the thing about being an adult is every time you turn around some shit gotta be “renewed”. tags. licenses. passports. like i’m the same bitch doing the same shit
When somebody says that “a man likes to feel like a man,” all I hear is “A man likes to feel superior to you and it’s your job to make him believe it.”
Someone said this to me once, that a man needs to feel like a man, I replied “well I’m not stopping him” and had to watch this fragile creature try to explain to me that my strong personality could demean men.
Like, if I have to pretend you are a strong man and cater to that then clearly you’re not that strong dude.
As an Aaliyah fan, I see not one gotdamn lie!
.ok so listen- I love narratives of weaponized femininity as much as the next dumb gay. crushing a man’s skull under pink sparkly combat boots? hell yes. winged eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man, and she knows how to, too? give meee. I love them. I watch fanvids with women in leather jackets and floral skirts who beat the crap out of men on the reg and I’m a giant sucker for it
however. let’s not forget that these images/characters are not inherently feminist.
the weaponized femininity trope doesn’t necessarily feel empowering because it’s feminist, as common discourse would have you believe. It feels empowering because it offers a fantasy of security under the patriarchy. it’s no coincidence that these women are attractive and hyperfeminized enough to justify their value to the male gaze (I’m thinking of characters like Isabelle Lightwood from Shadowhunters, essentially every female character in The Vampire Diaries and Teen Wolf, presumably much of the Riverdale cast though I’ve never seen it, etc.). and I don’t have anything against these characters as individuals; in fact, I love many of them! but I also try to keep in mind that what weaponized femininity is offering is one of limited avenues to perceived safety under patriarchy.
think of it this way: society tells us that yes, we must perform rituals of hyperfeminity, we must make ourselves fit into what is currently being sold as attractive , otherwise we risk ostracization, we are worthless, we are inferior, we are unsafe.
however, when we do conform to that formula, when we are what society calls attractive, when we are sexualized, then we are told that we are now objects for men. we are vulnerable to assault, we are sluts, we are asking for it, we are unsafe.
so how to defeat this conundrum? become “attractive” enough to justify existence. and also become “badass” enough to ensure our physical safety.
It’s not a coincidence. It’s not an accident that these types of characters garner such a positive fan reaction. It’s not a coincidence that they are being sold to us as feminist icons.
How do we keep women demure, appearance-focused, buying our products? how do we keep them at war with each other, trying to be a “type” of girl that we deem acceptable? how do we raise the bar ever higher so no women is ever satisfied with herself? and how do we make it so they all think it’s their choice? I’ve heard of this type of phenomenon being described as “patriarchal bargaining.” It’s not ‘taking our power back,’ it’s negotiating for an illusion of power under the system we’re forced to live under.
Which is not necessarily a bad thing either! it’s nice to feel empowered. Self-defense and physical strength are arguably important tools for many of us too. choice is still choice and we’re all welcome to it, however I think it’s easy to fall into believing that it’s a ‘pure choice’ not one born out of coercion, which is absolutely is. still a valid choice! but not inherently feminist.
tldr: weaponized femininity can feel empowering, but it is not inherently feminist and I think it’s important to remember that
To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Directed by Susan Johnson
“Women are perceived as too talkative because how much they talk is measured not against how much men talk, but against an ideal of female silence.”
—
Gender Stereotypes: Reproduction and Challenge, by Mary Talbot, from
The Handbook of Language and Gender, Part IV: Stereotypes and Norms.
(via turhelke)